about Jonathan.

Chapter 7

Last night’s sleep was as uncomfortable as any of the past few nights that I’ve been here. So it was no surprise that when I woke up, I had a migraine from my “sleep situation”. To add to the discomfort, my back and neck were abnormally stiff too.

Considering what I’ve come to know of Jonathan and how much I appreciate what a decent person he is, I proceeded to greet him this morning with a yoga pose of my own. I stretched my right arm out to the side and pointed my thumb towards the ground. I cocked my head to the left and stuck my tongue out. Lifting my left leg up in the air, I grabbed my foot and somehow balanced.

As Jonathan approached, I hollered at him, “Behold, the Couch Potato!”

Jonathan giggled and replied through snorts of laughter, “I’ve never seen anything so ridiculous in my entire life!”  

“Okay, fine, you’re right,” I fell out of the position and shrugged my shoulders. “But seriously. I have a question for you. You’ve obviously lived for, like, ever. And you’ve been living here alone, by yourself, for several decades... so what have you been doing with your time?” I said with an upbeat tone I squandered up.

“Uhm, let me think…” he sat, stroking his beard gently, and squinting off into the distance for a few minutes until he finally remembered. “Yes, yes, an object,” he started. “I made an object.”

“Ooh.” I leaned in, my eyes wide. This can’t be dangerous.

“Well, I invented the ballpoint pen. I used octopus ink, hollow twigs, fiddleheads as a spring, and trout eggs. Well, I took the hollow twigs that I found somewhere around the river bank and sealed it with mud on one end. Then, I took another hollow twig and filled it with octopus ink. I then stuck the fiddlehead inside the hollow twig and pushed in the fish egg. It worked a bit. But it was a prototype. I mean, you gotta give a guy a break sometimes,” he replied with a persuasive grin.

“Well, okay. But did anything else happen?” I asked boldly.

“Uhm…. well… oops... Nope… well maybe… nope nope nope. You might consider… wait… still no… oh yeah, then there was…. Um… wait,” he was genuinely trying to reply. His squenchy lips and his alternating fuzzy eyebrow shifts told me so. “There was one this one time that I heard a furious dragon stomping through the mountains down to the river. He was hungry, obviously, and his thorny tail was scraping each boulder he passed by… um, wait.. sorry that was my dream last night…”

 I bluntly stared. I was stunned and tried hard to find balance between the feeling of annoyance and disbelief.

“Ok, here we go... I had this feeling one day. It came out of the blue. It motivated me to stand tall and take charge. It was the moment I would finally feel like I had the power the change my life and make the world seem fair again. I needed a weapon,” he said with might. Now we are onto a really juicy story.  He continued with a roar, “A weapon! Yes, something pointy. I scoured the landscape around me in the evening glow. Time was running out, ‘cause the intensity of that itch under my left nostril was ready to destroy me!” He gasped as if it was a live theatre production. Throwing head back in anguish he continued, “And oh how I …”

“Stop, stop, stop,” I interrupted. I just couldn’t take anymore. I darted back, “Are you making this up?”

“No. That’s all that happened. Literally, I’m not kidding. Aside from eating, sleeping and becoming somewhat proficient in yoga,” he added quickly.

“Wow. That’s pretty interesting,” I replied tamely. ”So, pardon me, and let me ask, can I  give this ‘Sniff ’n Lick’ thing, you do, a big try?”

“The what?” he responded with a twirl of his torso.

“So you sniff a flower cluster and then lick a mushroom patch. And how many repetitions?” I added.

“I do that?” he said authentically perplexed.

I started by nestling my face in the first flower cluster I found. The damp flower petals kissed my skin and the inhale came with bursting aromatic sensation. Butter! I felt the ground out of delight and rolled over twice to the neighboring path of mushrooms. I closed my eyes as a pointed tongue out and lightly licked the top of a single mushroom head. Sweet sparks! I gleefully rolled onto my back. As the sun illuminated my shut eyelids causing me to embrace the blood orange color hue, I smiled broadly with full confidence that Jonathan was channeling back at me the very same vibe.

“I gotta hand it to you. Nowadays, that pen would be very valuable in today’s market. Sustainability items are selling out like that,” I remarked as I snapped my fingers.

Jonathan eventually made his way to the grey shadowy area behind the waterfall. Oh, of course! The sun is setting. Today was a great day! Jonathan and I were both happy. If I were to give myself a score, I’d give myself a ten out of ten! When I first came, everything felt so boring, but now that I actually know Jonathan, my time seems to be just whizzing by. He’s actually pretty chill. Come to think of it… How amazing is Jonathan? ‘Cause he is, somehow, is he able to find happiness in life without having much. I mean, seriously... Jonathan has been alone for, like, over a hundred years.